Full Moon Humble Down

th-5Have you felt spiritual lessons acclimating, but you have no idea what they are?
Or you know there is a rhyme and reason for the tumble or humble down of your ego but never in the moment it’s being shaken down?

For me, usually not until it’s surfaced…

Of course it’s a full moon, this is usually when the big lessons come up for me. I didn’t feel this one coming since I have been busy studying, researching and creating my online course (I’m excited to share with you soon), and I’ve been feeling really great – on fire, actually. This is also the time I’m taking an advanced Vinyasa Teacher Training with Schuyler Grant of Wanderlust – how could I resist her invitation? I was stoked because I have a connection to her style and thought it would deepen my practice as well I had a perked interest in teaching a strictly Yoga/Vinyasa based classes perhaps in the future. Plus I’m going through major transition with stationing myself in one location and restructuring (or structuring) everything, so this was in alignment with this vision.
I realized that I haven’t been in the vinyasa conversation for years, ten to be exact. I’ve taken trainings and workshops with some of the best vinyasa yoga teachers including Shiva Rea, Kira Ryder and Max Strom. It’s amazing how the mind/body can forget the language though.
{Note for some of you: Vinyasa Yoga is a whole culture of teachings and practice that is based in sun salutations/moon salutations that continually flow throughout the height of the class}

Light history: After my brief study of vinyasa (10-12 years ago), I did start teaching a few yoga classes at yoga studios in the beginning, but my niche created almost on it’s own very soon into my teaching publicly (previously only to family and friends). When I added a little dance to my own practice and then to yoga classes (Not vinyasa classes, but yoga flow type), I went for it naturally. I had been exploring dance (classical Indian, free-form styles, and of course my roots: bhangra) and diving more into my love for these movements. So, it’s not that I haven’t been teaching yoga, but it’s really been light ‘flowing yoga’ with dance as the main event. I never stopped teaching yoga asana, but I never really began teaching vinyasa. And, in my classes/workshops the yoga became the way to get people relaxed first, then take them into free-form creative dance (with Indian flavor). For those of you who have been to my classes, you know what I’m talking about. As it evolved, I added ‘vocalization’ (sound) as a catalyst for releasing any emotions or energy that is stagnant or stuck in the body, so it really doesn’t look like a vinyasa class. In fact, I had a class called “Bollywood Vinyasa”, but now feel that is should have correctly been called “Bollywood Dance Yoga Flow”. Ah, Semantics.

CUT TO – Now.

I felt ridiculous when I began the training yesterday. I was ‘practice-teaching’ my first little bit in an exercise and I couldn’t even finish my words, or remember the sanskrit names of most of the asanas (because they were very advanced poses mostly), and just plainly looked stupid. Now, I’m not a big fan of that word “stupid”, but really I felt as though I was blank and had no teaching background what so ever. I was humbled, to say the least. I never “geeked out” about structure or alignment, I never really studied it completely, and so much was going over my head, and I was spacing out. Even way back then, I guess it never held my attention. So why did I think it would now?
Well, I do know why…it’s because I’m more courageous than my ego needs. I have always had extreme amounts of courage, well, heck, I teach courage – it’s a huge part of the lessons in all my work. So, of course I would just do it and think I could. Well, I know I can…it’s just gonna take me a but more time, and of course, A LOT of practice – and, again if this is what I choose.
Although this sounds like it would be a big blow to my ego, I didn’t feel that. I just know how I learn best, and I would need more time to get back into it, if I wanted to. I know I could, but at this moment I’m not sure I want/need/have desire to, so I am auditing the training instead of being a full participant which feels perfect.
I’m proud of myself. I could have totally walked away. But I feel there is so much here for me, and whether I become a vinyasa teacher or not, I will have deepened my practice, and done about 3-6 hours of vinyasa everyday. My body feels great (little exhausted, but in a good way).
The biggest thing that helps me not get too heady in this situation is that I am really inspired right now with my definitive passions focused on building my first webinar:
“Wisdom Dance ~ Dancing Authenticity into Your Actions, Voice and Purpose.” Date of Launch TBA, but SOON!

But the whole experience was a reality check on choosing what I am inspired to do versus what I think I should do. I am definitely interested in deepening my personal vinyasa practice, but most importantly teaching what I am embodying (yoga and dance right now), and if I start fully embodying vinyasa (in this style) – then that too shall be something I would love to share about.
Thanks full moon for the surprise lessons, I receive your wisdom.